Please Don't stop the music !

Those are the very words i wanted to tell the DJ last nite. After wining about my life in my last post i decided it high time i crossed of something from my long list of dreams. So finally went to a gay party pub yesterday night and danced my behind off :). It was an amazing experience . Got to saw so many good looking guys, guys making out on the floor , everyone just shedding their inhibition and being themselves. I also let myself loose and for the first time i got to be myself as well where i didn't have to think of anything.I must admit i was very nervous and scared at first because i haven't been to any pubs and the first time is always scary. The excitement however was so overwhelming that i kinda forgot about my fears.

Although i had thought i might get approached by someone, its an another story that i would not have gone through with it because i already have someone in my life but anyways it would have been so exiting but i guess that was stretcthing my luck to far, so although no one hit on me i was so engrossed in dance i did not care. It was like being in Babylon from QAF although not as fabulous as it but this was closest i could get to to my dream.

Finally i can cross one thing from my list grooving to the 'thumpa-thumpa' :)

Dream and Fantasy

Its been some time since i added a post , you could say i had lost my mojo for it but them someone came along and became my inspiration again. This post is dedicated to that special someone who has revived my spirit.

I recently started watching the series Queer as folk, and boy have i hooked. The life the characters lead is something which i had always fantasized about, being out about your sexuality, having a close group of gay friends, going to gay parties, dacing your heart out to the 'thumpa - thumpa', doing something for the gay community, finding love, adopting kids, raise a family. All this was my dream of a life in my future. Although these seem very far fetched.

Coming out of the closet is still the greatest hurdle for me. I think the first and foremost thing for one to come out is to have a support system wether be it family or friends. Now since family is the one group i want to come out to it leaves the friend circle and to find genuine friends in this gay world seems like an unsurmountable task. Although i do have some friends in my life but most of them are far apart to actually give the support i look for and most plan on to live a straight life marrying a girl, so again a support from that end seems doubtful.

I am not much of a outgoing person, although i love to dance i dont drink so i avoid going to  pubs as well. Most of the gay parties arranged in the town are in pubs so grooving to a thumpa - thumpa seems another thing which i would be doing in my dream only.

Doing something for the community is something which i would love to get invloved in but my work does not give me anytime, i know it seems more like an excuse than a reason so i think i need to figure out a way to take time out and actually dip my feet in doing for the commnity.

Finding love , well as most know its another herculean task, i am currenlty involved with a guy and i sure hope and pray that it does work out so that atleast one of my fantasy comes true.

Althoug gay sex was read as not illeagal by a high court in india but gay alliances are still not legal in my country. So settling down with a guy, is not feasible for now though you never know what the future holds. Since the stigma and taboo status that being gay holds i think it would be a torture for a child who is brought up by gay parents. So another dream down the drain.

Sometimes i think a way out would be migrate to a place where being gay is more 'acceptable' but then there are some responsibilities which i have towards my family which i cannot look over and move to a foriegn land.I dont know what the future holds but as of now things seem very dusky.