Saturday, April 24, 2010

Why Can't i have a straight guy as a 'Good Friend' ?

Why is it that i cant have a straight guy with whom i can have a good friendship ? A question which i have pondered about a lot , at times i think its because i am not that outspoken, or because of my rigid list of dos and donts but  most of the times i end up blaming everything on my sexual orientation !

For most closeted gays who have mastered the art of acting straight it isnt that difficult to gel up with 'normal' guys and as beyonce says '.. drink bear with the guys and chase after girls..' but for me pretending never came easy. Hence i just didn't participate in the 'chick watchout' , 'drunk dumbos' ,'road rage' or 'sporty evenings' programs, all through my adolescent life, when most guys were busy drooling over some girl, watch porn, talk about bikes, play cricket or get drunk i  preferred to be left alone and surrounded by my studies, may be thats why i was good with studies since i didn't have any other distractions. Once in a while some hetro guy would get close to being a friend but then my heart would fall for him and totally ruin the friendship (happened at least 2- 3 times). All in all things never worked out for me i was sad at times , at times happy that at least i am doing what i am supposed to be doing in college studying but now looking back i think i did miss out on many things by not having a straight friend circle , by not getting drunk , by missing out on adrenalin bike rides ahh the decisions which one regrets!

This attitude still ripples though my life even now i cant mingle with the straight crowd and remain in my own zone. May be people perceive me as arrogant. Whatever it may be i might not have good straight friends and gay ones (who want friendship in its right sense) are hard to find. I am grateful that i do have some gay friends  but i hope they know how indebted i am to them for their love and support or else i would have been totally screwed ! (I know my life does sound pathetic but heh i'll survive :) )


  1. Hey dear, our life seems to be ruined because our ideas of happiness often come from d social/family definitions.
    About Socialness:
    1st ly what ur sexuality & your 'rigid list of dos & donts' is actually letting u do nothing bad. So u see u r developing a good character-hard to find generally. Dont bother whether u r social or not in d general terms.
    Another thing to give due consideration is that as u do not have very close straight friends, neither would u have exreme enimies/rivals. On a whole u would be considered as a good charactered, studious, and a genuine guy. People (though not friends) will be having a subtle respect for you. Also it is a boon to people like us that we can look at d world with a different perspective than the others. We can take advantage of this and help others maintain a good character. We have a responsiblity to spread a culture of good character, egoless thinking, truthfulness, commitment. Stick to it... u would never know how good social u would become.
    About Friendship:
    You havent found a friend YET that dosen't mean time has ended. Perhaps what mistake me n u would generally make is look for a special-true friendship in everyone. Don't expect everyone to be as you. Respect their feelings, their limitatins, respect the limit upto which they r ready to go with you. Dont let your emotions fakely compell d relation to go to an ideal ending defined by you alone.
    Your path is not wrong according to me. Just have complete faith is it. You will certainly find a few straight people to be good friends, who can share there everything and let u share everything. They would be your good friend & philosopher. They would accept you as you are. Just dont necessarily look for a boyfriend in them.
    Lastly I shared my thoughts with you because I think you think like me. If you want to share anything personal, my id is

  2. Thanks A for sharing your views. Will try to reflect over them.

  3. Hey you can find good friends, why do you bother if he/she is straight or gay. I do have few good straingt friends, and just becasue they are straight dosent mean its always drooling on girls, bikes, cricket, yes those are included in the package of guy friends. Yes if its gay friends then, then you can flirt freely, but if its stright the commment can be "cool jeans" rather than "nice ass".
    Hey friends are friends what ever the orientation, each got its plus & minus

  4. @derric

    I agree that 'friends are friends' but somehow i never find a comfort zone with straight guys may be thats an issue with me ....