Blast From The Past - The Incident

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Catch the previous chapters of the story here :

1. Chapter One
2. Chapter Two
3. Chapter Three

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The Incident

The next day in college was uneventful,Mr L was normal as usual as if nothing had happened the night before, i tried to play along but kept my distance from Mr L.I had decided not to come out to him in college, his reactions were unpredictable and a scene was something i wanted to avoid, so i marked the coming Saturday when we had a off from college as the D Day.

The weekend finally arrived. We had a tuition class together i thought i will talk with him after that. We didn't have any fixed time for the class, it was a lab session, so we were actually free to come and go at anytime only requirement was to complete the experiments at the end of month. Mr L and I usually used to sit together and share the apparatus, that day also we were on the same table doing an experiment. I was thinking telling him something like 'I am gay' out of the blue seemed very illogical so i was waiting for a way to ease it into a conversation, Mr L only gave me a break, "You wanna call it a day and end this i am not feeling like to continue anymore"."Sure why not, what do you wanna do then i have time till evening ?" i asked.

We decided for a movie. There was neither any good English nor Hindi movie on, so we settled for a regional Malayalam one.The movie was titled 'ChanduPottu', i had suggested the movie with an ulterior motive in mind.The title refers to a type of bindi worn by women in southern parts of india which basically is like a water colour which solidifies after putting on the forehead. But the movie was not centered around women it was actually about a guy who was more in touch with his feminine side. After watching the trailers i had thought it dealt with homosexuality and that was why i had insisted L to go for this movie, but later i found out the guy in the movie although had feminine gestures but was straight and the reason for his girlish nature was shown as lack of a father figure in his life.

As we were proceeding for the ticket counter, Mr L said, 'I am a bit short of money what you say we take the seats downstairs which are cheaper ?', I gave him an approving nod and we approached the separate counter for the cheaper tickets, it was located in the basement of the theater complex and to control the crowds the ticket lanes were fitted with Iron railing from roof to the floor, it almost felt like being in prison. The place was looking deserted today and kind of creepy , I asked L "You sure the counter has opened i can see no one around, looks empty." Mr L dismissed me with a waving hand and asked me to follow him. I was feeling as if something was not right and my fears were going to turn into nightmare.

Mr L was walking in front of me and then suddenly i heard noises from my back, it was as if 3-4 guys were coming our way i was relieved thinking that at least someone else was here. 4 guys came from the back and i felt someone grabbing hold of my shoulders in an attempt to stop me from moving further , at the same moment a guy rushed past me and pinned Mr L against the iron railings. It happened so fast i didn't know how to react and just a gasp escaped my mouth as i was also pinned to the railings. I just couldn't get my head around what was happening it was when Mr L said "What the f*** ? what do you guys want ?" i came back to my senses.The first thought that came to me was these must be Mr L's friends playing some joke on us, but when i saw a sharp looking knife in one of the hands i realized this is no joke.

I could feel the railing piercing my chest and tried to shake the Big guy who was holding me down but all effort in vain.I could see Mr L also trying to fight off his way to freedom with no success. "Check him" the thug who held me down ordered, hinting at me. I felt a pair of hands inspecting my back pocket and retrieving my wallet. It was basically empty apart from some Rs 10 notes for my ride home back in bus."This is freaking empty man" the guy announced after checking the contents.I was still telling myself this is all just a joke and somebody will put this cruel joke to an end soon, but the events had just begun to unfold.

I could notice the third guy checking Mr L's wallet only to find nothing again. The group of 4 was getting furious with no result of their hunt. Mr L was still trying to get loose, and he got a chance to shake the guy on him loose and give him blow in the guts with his elbow. Watching this the other two crashed hard on Mr L, Mr L felt to ground and they were kicking him mercilessly, i started screaming and yelling but no one was to around to hear them this was a closed basement and the only exit was around the ticket counter to other side of the railings. "You bloody guys don't have anything of use, you have wasted our time now your friend is going to pay for it." said the guy who was pinning me down. I was feeling helpless not able to help Mr L in any way suddenly i felt some thing cold against my chest.


To be continued...

Blast From The Past- Part Three

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Catch the previous chapters of the story here :

1. Chapter One

2. Chapter Two

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As i walked back to the Bear Party which was being disguised as a House warming party, i was thinking may be it was not going to be that hard to spend time with the guys, may be i'll also try a drink. 'What ?' I could hear the the angel and demon in my mind having a fight.

'Did you forget your list of dos and donts' argued the angel.
'So what there's no harm in trying it once' responded the devil.
'No, its just a strict no no ...',
'What no no, live life to the fullest..'

I am going mad i thought, having conversations in my mind . As we reached back at the house a gang of about 12-15 guys were all ready present for the booze party. At first i was very uncomfortable. Mr. L wasn't drinking i could see he was just checking out some songs on PC. I thought not to bother him, i still was hurt from the conversation we had earlier. I decided to start a conversation with a someone else but i kept checking Mr L from time to time. I saw him going to the terrace of the house and having a conversation with a guy who was having a smoke. Oh god, please dont let Mr L have a smoke, i prayed. Few days back i had showed Mr L an article on ill-effects of smoking and almost had convinced him not to smoke again, but i knew he wasn't convinced enough. Mr L caught my eye looking at him and saw the message 'don't do it' in them. The guy with the pack of cigarettes said something to L and starting laughing, i didn't hear what that guy said but Mr L took a cigarette from the pack and lit up. I felt disappointed .'He doesn't care what you think' i heard someone say but soon realized it was coming from my mind again.I wasn't feeling like staying in the house anymore and left the house after saying my good byes to few guys and Mr L.

That night I was on the phone with Mr. L he was talking in his usual upbeat mood, and i was just making 'hmm..' sounds , after a while he asked 'Is everything alright ?'. 'Ya all is fine.' in a not so convincing tone. He queried again, 'you don't sound as if everything is fine.'

'No i was just thinking about the afternoon..'
'Don't tell me you are feeling guilty for not telling at home where you were today.'
'No silly, its just i thought i had convinced you of not smoking..'
'Don't start with the lecture again, please ' came back the reply from Mr L.

I was a bit taken aback by the tone Mr L. had chosen.'Sorry for caring for a friend's health.' i recoiled.'There you go again getting all so worried about me why can't you just chill jits? Whats the matter with you ? Why trying to run my life ? why cant you be just like other guys?'I didn't know what to reply him i couldn't say i was in love with him.I tried to defend myself citing 'Why the hell do i have to be like everyone else. I am proud of who i am.'

'Oh really ? you know what people at your back say ?'
'Please shed some light because you certainly know it all.' I was getting furious.

'Leave it.'Mr L said.
'No no please continue, let me know.'
'You might get hurt.'
'Don't you worry i'll handle it.'
'No never mind, lets talk about something else.'
'Why ? i thought you wanted me to be like others, let me know what others percieve of me. '
'Fine , you remember the day or rather night when you were trying to call and some other guys were here with me ?'
'Ya i do and i remember Mr J and Mr T were there with you being all the more annoying as always.'

'Right, you couldn't just sleep without talking to me ? huh ...' It was sounding more like a sarcastic statement coming from Mr L right now than a sweet thing.'You have any idea what those guys made me go through ? i was made a mockery, Mr J even drunk made a very good point, Dude whats wrong with jits ? Is he in love with you or something ? He is always at your side, and these calls are going long in the night , what is the meaning of this ? Are you gay L ?? Ha ha ha .... These were the words from J that night. You have no idea how embarrassed i was jits. Even Mr T started pointing out that how you are not like other guys, never appreciating a girl in college either. Is he gay ?' Mr L paused as if he was expecting an answer from me for that question.

'And what did you say ?' I asked trying to avoid giving any answer.
'I just said , no guys he is just a bit caring because we are good friends. But J came back with , the hell good friends , two guys talking on the phone till the early hours of morning is not just good friendship, if it was a girl then it would have been fine, we would think you are trying to woo her but with a guy L ? seriously you out of options ? ha ha ha.. '

I was feeling very guilty thinking what Mr L had to go through because of me.'I am sorry Mr L' i apologized. I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek.But Mr L was not done yet.'Wait, let me complete. It was not much of a deal for me what Mr J and T said, they were drunk , it did question me our relation but i know your intentions are not wrong .I decided that that i can try to make you a little bit more relaxed and chill so may be others could also be fine with your attitude so thats why i invited you to the party today.I could see you were making an effort but then that guy said something and ... anyways leave it.' Mr L was trying to avoid something.'Who said what L ?' I questioned.

'No leave it.'
'Mr L tell me i want to know.'
'Fine, a guy offered me smoke, and i remembered the article you had made me read.'
'But you still took the smoke anyway.'I said sarcastically.
'Ya, you know what that guy said jits ? When i said no and i was looking at you , that guy asked : You are not smoking because of him ? Come one L, jits is such a panzy almost like a fag and you are afraid of him ? ha ha ha... What ? he is ruling over your life ? Be a man L take decisions for yourself." He is right jits I don't want anyone running my life but me you understand ?'Mr L was furious.

I don't know what hurt me more Mr L, furious remark of me trying to control his life or being referred to as a fag.I just couldn't take all the things in, i felt like just going to sleep. 'I am sorry L if i have been trying to control you life.'I couldn't think of anything else to say to him.'I am not in a state of mind to speak much so i am hanging up now'.'Fine, came the reply from Mr L and he hung up first.'

I came back to my bed trying to fall asleep, but the conversation was going through my mind, playing again and again like a stuck record in a record player. I couldn't let my feelings for L make his life difficult. I need to do something about it.Should i stop my friendship with him ? Even the thought made something ache inside me. No i rejected the option. Should I tell him the truth. I will come out to him, confess my feelings and then let him decide what is to be done.But the consequences if he knows i am gay ? what will be the repercussions ? There's no use trying all the permutations of the outcome i said to myself, I will just tell him and be prepared for whatever comes. So deciding that i am going to come out to Mr L i tried to put my thoughts in a sack and catch a sleep.


To be continued..

Blast From the Past continued ...

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Catch the previous chapters of the story here :

1. Chapter One

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As the bell for period rang i rushed to Mr L with all the questions on my mind. As i was approaching him i felt a bit of fear within me. What if all that i was thinking is true ? will Mr L stop interacting with me ? How will i survive without talking to him. I got to the desk he was sitting and he looked up. I wished him the usual good morning, i figured to keep it normal and not attack him with all the things in my mind. May be nothing had happened, may be he just sat there because he was late and wanted just to sit and that seat was close to the door anyways. He responded back with just his eyes , it was his 'so whats new' look ,(ya i had named his looks , i was obsessed with him). I felt a relief, i thanked god, all was right, so i thought. A few days passed and our talks continued on the phone in night and we started hanging out with each other on weekends bunking our tuitions.

As i boarded my college bus one day i heard from a friend that a staff from our college had passed away in a bike accident , I didn't exactly know who he was but i had seen him around the college. I felt sorry for the guy, anyways when we reached the college the news was buzzing among all. Even before we could get to our classes we were asked to assemble in front of the chapel in our campus.Our manager who was also the pastor at the chapel made a small prayer for the soul of the deceased staff and declared the day to be a holiday for the mourning.I thought wow a day off, i mean i did feel sorry for the guy but heh it got me one boring day off from college.

I was on the bus back when i heard Mr L on bus, i was surprised because he usually traveled on another route i went to him greeted him and asked him where is he going ? He told me he was going to a college friend's new house and they were going to have a 'house warming' party, pointing to a guy from another branch. I was like why wasn't i invited but finding my ego in my way didn't say anything just smiled and was going back to my seat when Mr L. asked "You want to come along ?" I was so elated that My Mr L never forgot about me.No one was expecting me back home till evening so why not, plus i will get to spend more time with Mr L, I agreed and we got down and went to the new house. We were the first ones to arrive with the guy whose house it was.The house was locked and the guy with us opened the door. " You guys have not moved in yet ?" i asked. "No the pallu kachu has not been done yet " came the reply.

Pallu kachu is the hindu malayli version of house warming where all sort of prayers are done which is followed by the lady of the house carrying first vessel of milk to be put on the kitchen stove and let the milk skimmer. If the milk topples over the top of the vessel it is supposed to bring lots of good fortune to the house.The house was beautiful no doubt. As we entered i noticed some bottles of bear on the table right in front of us. Then it suddenly hit me its a booze party oh god how am i going to handle this i don't drink, boy it was going to be torture why didn't i think of it earlier i was cursing myself. Mr L knew that i don't drink why did he invite me to this then ?

Mr L might have seen my uneasiness he told the guy that Mr L and i are going for a walk till rest of the guys come. The vicinity of the house was very clam and peaceful , with all the tall coconut trees around swaying in the gentle breeze.The whole place felt so cool even in the middle of afternoon. Mr L and i walked for a while, i was silent thinking how will i handle things at the party. "You know you should have more trust in me" came a statement from Mr L. I got my senses back and gave Mr L a puzzled look. "I knew you wouldn't be much comfortable around drunk guys but still i wanted you to come here" replied Mr L to my questioning look. "why ... " i couldn't even complete my sentence when Mr L continued "I want you to fit in with the regular guys, you know people say that your behavior is different, i don't want to hear that from anyone. I want you to be more like normal guys, thats why i wanted you to be here so that you can understand how regular guys are. ".


I was taken aback by this sudden revelation.I knew i wasn't like other guys although i didn't flaunt my sexuality but neither did i act straight, i tried to keep it neutral always, i didn't know it had came into anyone's attention."I know i am different L but thats the way i am and i thought you liked who i am." i replied to L."I do respect your individuality jits but ....", "But i am not good enough right ? to fit in" i was furious , "i thought every person has the right to be what they are , i don't care what people think L, but your opinion it matters to me a lot L If you think i am not good enough then lets stop our friendship right here right now." I could feel tears filling up in my eyes so i broke the eye to eye conversation we were having and moved a few paces ahead of him just to get a grip on myself. There was a moment of silence and i could hear only the leaves around us swaying. Mr L came up to me and held my hand, a chill almost ran through me when i got to feel his palm in my palm . "You are such a drama u know that , you should try in daily soaps i am sure you would make a good earning" said Mr L with his electrifying smile.I was floored to the ground and started laughing.

"Come lets go back to the party we will talk later" said Mr L , he didn't let go of my hand and i was enjoying each step i took with him although the conversation we had was coming back to me again and again, i pushed it back so that i could manage the drunken goons i was going to meet back at the house.

To be continued ...