Realizing i'm gay and taking a decision of not getting married to a girl just to go with the social norms was something i had taken long way back when i was entering my high school life. I might have been naive at the time but i had made my mind to stick to the decision made. Since then my aim in life was to stand on my own feet and have a way of life which would empower me to have my way with life and not get burdened by family, relations, society may be thats why i don't have many close friends or good relations with my extended family.
Later at some point in my life the need for a companion became so strong and it took over my life for better or for worse. My thought process turned to 'what is the use of having a life which might be successful when if you don't have someone to share it with' . So everything in my life took a back seat and finding the guy became my priority. In the pursuit i lost many things including my aim of having myself empowered so that i could do things as i please, i just wanted a companionship. Even with many futile attempts of having a relationship i kept my hopes up all during college life and when entering the professional life. The search had been in full gear for the past few months.
Last week i had a chat with a friend and he made me realize that having a relationship is not whats life is all about specially in the gay world where commitment and fidelity are very hard to find, and i may be wasting my life not thinking about other things in my life. I should try to enjoy the finer things in life. At this point i am still not sure how will i be able to enjoy my life without having someone to share it with. I might need a whole paradigm shift in my thinking. Hoping some guy someday will come into my life, i am now turning my search down a notch . As of now i am trying to regain my habit of reading which i had lost in all the commotion of my 'search' , beginning with Jeffrey Archer. Wish me luck.
Later at some point in my life the need for a companion became so strong and it took over my life for better or for worse. My thought process turned to 'what is the use of having a life which might be successful when if you don't have someone to share it with' . So everything in my life took a back seat and finding the guy became my priority. In the pursuit i lost many things including my aim of having myself empowered so that i could do things as i please, i just wanted a companionship. Even with many futile attempts of having a relationship i kept my hopes up all during college life and when entering the professional life. The search had been in full gear for the past few months.
Last week i had a chat with a friend and he made me realize that having a relationship is not whats life is all about specially in the gay world where commitment and fidelity are very hard to find, and i may be wasting my life not thinking about other things in my life. I should try to enjoy the finer things in life. At this point i am still not sure how will i be able to enjoy my life without having someone to share it with. I might need a whole paradigm shift in my thinking. Hoping some guy someday will come into my life, i am now turning my search down a notch . As of now i am trying to regain my habit of reading which i had lost in all the commotion of my 'search' , beginning with Jeffrey Archer. Wish me luck.
Good dost..
ReplyDeletei am vere impress u r views about life ..
keep it up
@kaam
ReplyDeleteThanks dost. Just trying not just to survive but to live ! :)
Ur reply to comment was better than the entire post....i'd like abit more wit!
ReplyDeleteBt yea...it's a good read def!
@phunk , point taken sir will try my at hand wit :D
ReplyDelete