Happy Diwali

Its that time of year again for all the festivities, lights, sights, sweets, fireworks. Yes its diwali here in this part of the world and wishing you all out there a happy, joyous and prosperous diwali. Diwali is the festival of lights here in india where every  house is lit up and children burst crackers along with people creating rangoli (an folk art in india where intricate designs are made on the floor with colored powder or flowers)

Rangoli By yours truly (last year) 

This time around we are not celebrating diwali at our home in honor of a close relative who recently passed away. May the soul rest in peace. Still here's wishing everyone out there a beautiful Diwali !

Falling again

When does one realize that one has feelings for someone. Is it when the only person you can think about is that guy ?  Is it when all you want in a day is a smile from him ? Is it when you would cancel all your plans just so that you can spend time with him ? Well if these are the parameters then i sure have fallen for someone, big time. So whats the problem , well he's straight. This is not the first time i have fallen for a straight guy. There was L on whom i had written a whole series 'Blast From the Past'. However this new guy from  office whom i have these new found feelings for, reminds me more of another guy i had the hots for back in my college, Jewis.

Jewis was someone with whom i really got close on a personal level sharing all my fears and thoughts, even of being gay. He was very protective about me. Very helpful and someone with a very big heart. But maybe he was just being a good friend. This colleague of mine whom i have started feeling something reminds me of jewis again. I find myself drawing too many parallels between the two. This again started my train of thoughts, maybe he is also just being a good friend. I know this because both of them had/have girls in their life and have never shown any interest in me (well apart from a compliment here and there , that may be just a compliment). Come to think of it i never had any straight guy friend-friend sorts. Whichever straight guy got close to me i started falling for him. Maybe that's a fault line in my behavioral surface, i can't be just friends with a guy. May be i should think of a girl friend, that would be easier because at least i will not fall for them.


Although i do have gay friends but that's probably because of  i'm not interested in them in a dating sort of way. Oh boy that sounds so shallow :( I need to start working on myself to sort out things. Any advice people ?