Falling again

When does one realize that one has feelings for someone. Is it when the only person you can think about is that guy ?  Is it when all you want in a day is a smile from him ? Is it when you would cancel all your plans just so that you can spend time with him ? Well if these are the parameters then i sure have fallen for someone, big time. So whats the problem , well he's straight. This is not the first time i have fallen for a straight guy. There was L on whom i had written a whole series 'Blast From the Past'. However this new guy from  office whom i have these new found feelings for, reminds me more of another guy i had the hots for back in my college, Jewis.

Jewis was someone with whom i really got close on a personal level sharing all my fears and thoughts, even of being gay. He was very protective about me. Very helpful and someone with a very big heart. But maybe he was just being a good friend. This colleague of mine whom i have started feeling something reminds me of jewis again. I find myself drawing too many parallels between the two. This again started my train of thoughts, maybe he is also just being a good friend. I know this because both of them had/have girls in their life and have never shown any interest in me (well apart from a compliment here and there , that may be just a compliment). Come to think of it i never had any straight guy friend-friend sorts. Whichever straight guy got close to me i started falling for him. Maybe that's a fault line in my behavioral surface, i can't be just friends with a guy. May be i should think of a girl friend, that would be easier because at least i will not fall for them.


Although i do have gay friends but that's probably because of  i'm not interested in them in a dating sort of way. Oh boy that sounds so shallow :( I need to start working on myself to sort out things. Any advice people ?