Bad Streak

First of all , a very Happy and prosperous New Year to everyone out there !

The year went by was something of a roller coaster ride for me. I went from being at the pinnacle of happiness to the depths of mourning, from being single to committed and then miserable after the breakup. I also grew stronger, discovered traits in my character previously unknown. Got myself in an accident twice and survived without any scratches.  As the year came to an end i had mixed felling but then on the penultimate and on new year's eve a bad streak of luck just made me thankful that the year is finally bidding farewell.

1 day to New Year
Got off early from work and boarded a bus for a 5 hour long ride back to hometown for new years. Boy it was crowded and just when hoping some hunk will sit next to me a girl , a pretty as well came and sat next to me. Men around were checking her out for sure. I on the other hand had no interest so just went to sleep. I woke up with a sudden forward thrust only to realize the bus was putting on its breaks and then a loud thud from the front of the bus. We were involved in a accident with another public transport. Luckily i was not hurt unfortunately i cant say the same for the rest of the population on the bus. There was blood all around with people bleeding from their noses because of the sudden impact. The girl next to me was in pain as well, as i tried to clam her down my mind went to thinking what next ? How to get out of here, the bus was in no condition to transport anymore. We got down from the wheels of misfortune and looked for our alternatives after the ambulance and authorities arrived. The girl (being a girl) got a lift from a couple going in a car while others tried boarding the next bus which was passing by the highway in middle of nowhere. It was too crowded for me to make an attempt with bags in my hand. I tried my hand at getting a lift but all in vain. Then after 1 hour of waiting on the road in middle of nowhere i told myself to get into the next bus no matter what and i did finally reached home after a journey longer than what i had expected, thanking the god almighty that once again i survived a crash without getting hurt.

New Year's Eve
Finally at home still trying to get over the exhausting previous day of misfortune i got myself ready for a date with a guy i was in touch for sometime now. I met the guy , he seemed decent, well dressed and not bad in the looks department as well. We started chatting. Sat down to have a snack at an eatery in one of busy markets of the city. After getting to know each other it was time to say goodbye so i got up went to restroom leaving my jacket at the table. When i came back the guy had vanished with my jacket. First i thought maybe he stepped out so i tried calling his number but it went to voice mail. Then it hit me i had been mugged. I know i should be thankful it was just the jacket but still i am still confused why the guy put in effort of keeping in touch via text and calls just to meet and flee with a jacket. May be was just a kleptomaniac !

So that's how i ended my new year avoiding major disasters and getting robbed. I just hope the new year brings some good luck with it for me.

Happy Freaking New Year !

Be a man !

"Oooo SHIT !!" ...
Boom..
Crash...
Screech...

The sounds are still buzzing in my ears. Had my first car accident yesterday last night. Thanks to someone up there who still loves me no one got hurt. Well except for my poor car ofcourse. Although i am a careful driver but i must confess i have been pushing the limits of speed on the road.Yesterday however was not all my fault or at least i believe so. It was late night, me and a friend of mine were returning from attending a wedding. We were cruising at the speed of 70 Km/hr, a truck was coming on our side in the wrong direction and the lights were blinding my sight. I avoided the truck and and saw a turn up ahead in the road. There were no street lights as well were on the out skirts of the city. As i was following the turn in the road i realized that the curve's radius is not as small as i expected and the left side rammed the footpath. The car for a second flew in the air and landed heavily on the left side although on four tyres (thank god it did not tip over).

As i stepped out and inspected the damage i realised that on of the tyre is bust. I thought well its alright we can change the tyre there is an extra in the trunk. But neither of us me or my friend had ever changed a tyre except probably watch someone do it. I know i am not a manly guy and although changing a tyre might not be a very masculine job but having never done it before i was very clumsy and could not even loose the bolts of tyre. My friend (a straight guy of course) stepped in and passed the comment "dude put some power in it". "Go ahead my gym freak" i retorted with a smirk on my face. Well thank god again he was there because i myself could not have done changing the Tyre, i mean lets be serious i can become a total female when it comes to cars (except for driving maybe) although we changed the Tyre but car was having trouble driving. The car steering had developed a slant to left and was going to left all the time and the shock absorbers had probaby broken because every bump on road was being very hard on the a** and not in a way i would prefer.

All the way i was tensed about how i would tell my dad and me and my friend were discussing that how i am gonna be grilled at home.In the midst of which i finally asked if anything had happened to him ? If he got hurt or anything.Thankfully the answer was no. I was lucky not to that much heat back at home. My dad was just happy that no one got hurt. I was not able to drop my friend till his home and he boarded a auto from half way. I messaged him to let me know whenever he reaches his place. He did message me and wished me good night. I replied him back that its gonna be a horror night for me :( , for which came the reply 'Already feeling sorry. You gotta take it like a man. At least nothing happened to us'. I don't know why but the statement 'take it like a man' just got stuck with me. Its been upsetting me the whole day probably because that is something i have been trying my whole life.

I have always been the more sentimental, feeling timid, not getting into fights kinda boy. I may never have the masculinity that world expects from me. And to get it from my friend (whom i had a crush on for a while now ) just triggered a memory of college when L used to say the same thing. 'Be a man' ! I had thought i had come to terms with who i am but surprise surprise I'm still not at that place. Boy when will i ??

Shallow Hal

I always thought that i am not shallow person. I try not to judge people and accept people the way they are. Recently an incident happened which bought out a shallow side of my personality for which i feel embarrassed , shamed and surprised. It reminded me of Jack Black in Shallow Hal before he was hypnotised that is.

I came across a profile on one of the gay dating sites and we started chatting. To be frank i was not much interested as the person was looking for hookups and myself being not that indulgent in acts of passion usually avoid mingling with such profiles but somehow the guy came across a decent person and he asked me to meet up. I was getting bored doing nothing at my room so i thought why not but just as a precautionary measure i asked to exchange pictures. He did show his pics and told me these are pictures from past and he is a bit different now. The pictures were of a below average looking guy but looks never mattered much to me so i was perfectly OK with meeting up. I asked him to meet at some coffee place but the guy was adamant that i come to his place. I told him outright that since we were not gonna be doing 'it' then why meet at his place ? His side of argument was as he does not have a vehicle to travel and it would be difficult for him to come out at this time as it was almost dark.

I offered him to pick him up and he agreed and gave direction to his place. I felt a bit awkward because i hardly meet anyone just hours after chatting for the first time. As i got to his place something was not feeling right. When i saw the sight before me i was a bit taken back. The guy looked nothing like his picture , he looked older, with almost no hair on his head and the shocker of shockers he was handicapped or being politically correct physically challenged. He was not on a wheel chair or anything but he has some problem with his legs and he limped. I suddenly felt so uncomfortable. I tend to become very inside my shell if i feel uncomfortable. The guy was trying to make conversation but i just could not get over the fact that he had missed to mention his condition while we were chatting.

I used to follow a series called 'Monk' where the protagonist had a number of phobias and manias and of which one was that he liked everything symmetrical. I remember in one episode where he comes across a man who just had one arm and Mr Monk just freaked out as the body was unsymmetrical. I was feeling the same, although the person before me had all his body parts intact but his physical inability just gave me a strange bubbling at the pit of my stomach. At first i felt that he should have told me about his condition before we met. Then i thought i actually never asked (because i had not imagined this can be a possibility). The guy was trying to keep the conversation going but i found myself lost in my own thoughts. Being gay itself is hard and that too with this inability might be even more difficult, while i was thinking this the guy asked me shall we go out ? I refused because i did not feel comfortable.

We chatted for some time he told me about his family and his work, he even told me about the guys he usually meets up for sex, his first sexual encounter with his brother - in - law, he even asked me about my body stats for which i just replied 'sorry i don't like to discuss such things'.

One question he put up really bugged me. "So when did you come into this line ?",
 confused by the question i responded with another question "You mean dating guys ? ",
"Sleeping with guys , turned gay, like after my encounter with my brother in law i started enjoying sleeping with men"
"I did not turn into a gay just one fine day or after any encounter, I was born gay, i knew from the very beginning that i like men although the term homosexuality and gay i came across in my teens." i tried to clarify his thoughts.

He never mentioned anything about his physical disability neither could i gather up the courage to ask him. Although the person was a jovial person but even after half an hour i was still feeling very much out of place and decided to say good bye to him.'When can we meet next ?' he asked ,'probably next weekend' i replied although not sure how much of that statement will hold true.



This incident made me realise that may be i am a shallow person at some level. There are somethings which i can get judgemental about.