Sunday, August 22, 2010

Blast From Past - The Dyamics

Catch the previous chapters of the story here :


The Dynamics

"You know what being a homosexual is  L ?" I asked L half expecting him to answer it in positive. "Its just not about trying to get into a guy's pants you know." i continued without waiting for L's reply."To put it in simple words just a cross connection in my brain about likings and rest all i am normal" i tried with some humor to get some reaction from him. L was still silent obviously trying to digest things. "Are you listening L ?" i asked getting impatient. He just nodded. I continued about explaining to him thats its normal to be gay , its something i was born with and the usual "I am proud of who i am" .

"Can't you change ?" L said , speaking for the first time.
"Actually i don't want to change, i am happy to be what i am."

L again became silent. He did seem to be disturbed."Its ok L, i know its not easy to understand. And i totally understand if you feel uncomfortable around me and don't want to talk to me or keep this friendship going." i tried to console him and praying at the same time that he does not end our  friendship."I don't know what i feel right now jits may be we i should sleep over it , may be by tomorrow i will have things more clear." With that we called it a night 

Next morning i woke up early and left for my home leaving a text message for L to inform him of me leaving as he was asleep when i had left. I was thinking about the events that happened in the last 24 hours and was trying to get my brain around it. Have i done the right thing ? Will L severe his ties with me ? I prayed, hoped and wishes that he will find some way to keep our friendship going.

'I don't care who you are, where you from, what you do, as long as you love me' beeped a message from L. Was L trying to tell me something or just listening to Back street boys track i thought . I called him up. "What message was that ? " i begun with my questionnaire. "Has everything to be too be spelled out to you ? " L said. "I think i now  but i just want you to say it.". L told me that he is ok with whatever i am as of now and he doesn't care who i am but he clarified that he considers me as a brother to him an can never connect with me on any other level than that. I was exuberant that he had decided not to break our friendship and i told him to directly let me know if my talks ever got too much for him. 

Things returned to normal with us , i still hadn't expressed my love for L, i thought to take things one at a time. College continued our talks stretched longer in nights, i sometime even discussed even about a cute guy with him once or twice, he didn't respond to that so i stopped.  Things were going fine for some time but this was just the silence before the storm. Guys in college again started taunting L with my name. I never experienced the taunts because i never used to hang out with the college crowd, but L did and one day L asked me for the second time 
"Jits people are again asking me the same thing, jits tell me the truth are you in love with me ?"

I got a bit panicky, i thought of trying to change the topic but L was adamant, I decided to bare it all now, i confessed, "Yes, L i do love you." and the phone got disconnected !