Blast From Past - The Lie

**********************************************************************************

Catch the previous chapters of the story here :

1. Chapter One

2. Chapter Two

3. Chapter Three

4. Chapter Four

5. Chapter Five

6. Chapter Six

7. Chapter Seven

**********************************************************************************

The Lie

Oh god what did i do ! Why did i tell him ! I should kill myself ! Wait no what did i do ? I just told him the truth. I was prepared for this. He might not speak to me anymore but i couldn't keep it in any longer. May be this is for the best. While i was trying to console myself i was sure L also was going through a trauma digesting all this. I should give me some time to think things over. College continued and i tried to maintain my distance from him but i just couldn't and ended up trying to converse with him at many a time. L behaved as such nothing had happened between us at least in front of everyone but i could feel the distance between us. I was getting miserable day after day and i went into a shell not talking to anyone, not able to concentrate on studies and i started feeling depressed all the time. L must have noticed all this as did everyone else around me. L approached me one day in college and asked "Whats wrong with you ?"

I was so overwhelmed with emotions that i could feel  the waterworks beginning to start. I said nothing and went to the restroom to freshen myself up. I didn't attend the next class and L came looking for me in cafeteria where i usually used to sit to relax. "Why didn't you attend the class ? " L started.

"Nothing, was not feeling well. " I replied.
"You want to go to a doctor or something ?" L asked.
"No, I'm fine just the class is so boring i thought of skipping it."
"Jits i know you are upset since things are not normal between us, but you need to understand this is not easy for me either. I just can't handle when taunted with stupid remarks."
"I understand L, and i don't have anything against you."
"But they way you are nowadays ...."
"See L , i have feelings for you and i just told you because i didn't know what else to do. I know that you can't reciprocate them and i'm not asking you to. I know you can't , I can try to change these feelings L but its doesn't seem very much possible for me."

After hearing this L left and things remained the same for few days, then came some festival in college and celebrations were going on in college, while i was being my miserable self. L asked me to come with him. He had brought his car. He asked me to sit in it and took me for a drive.

A few minutes into the drive L said "I want to tell you something jits."
"All ears L "
"I am adopted jits."
"WHAT ! your kidding right ?"
"No, I'm not, the family i am living with adopted me when i was a few months old from an orphanage."
"Oh gosh ! L but your family loves you L, i don't think they ever feel you adopted."
"Ya they are nice people."
"But L you and your brother, you look so similar , how can you be adopted. "
"Well i had some surgeries "

I knew L was lying, he was not adopted, his looks so resembled to his brother and his father and no surgery can make you look so similar to someone. Why L was lying to me i didn't understand. I thought of playing along and nodded to whatever L was telling me.

We came back after the drive and college was about to get over i went to L to say my usual good bye and wished him bye. His reaction was surprising.

I Feel Good

Hi everyone, i know its been a while since i blogged about anything , it had been a couple of all work no play weeks for me, so couldn't get myself to pen anything down. But I'm back and hopefully will be more frequent.

Now for the feel good factor, I went for a date after almost 2 years. Why the gap of 2 years you ask. Well the simple answer would be preparing. I had learned from my last relationship that i was not yet ready to handle a relationship. To be committed to someone in the true sense of it. Being a 'grown up' and not obsessing over silly things.  Hence i preferred to be friends with anyone i met.

Last week i finally went on a date , i was nervous, thrilled, excited and what not. The date went quiet good and i liked the guy a lot as well (blushess : ) ), i might get to meet him again this weekend. Anyways it felt so good to realize that i have finally grown up and meet someone as an adult and not some teenager desperate for attention. So wish me luck guys hope things turn out good :)

chaos for now, i know this is a small post but will be back with more for sure soon.

Apple of My Eye

Heh people time for another one of 'Apple Of My Eye (AOME)' series. For those of who don't know AOME is a bunch of posts in which i rate the guy whodrive me crazy, usually guys belong to the glamor world but in general the public domain. This time its a true hunkie, a model, anchor and an ex Mr India Viraf Phiroz Patel.



I noticed Viraf in one of the ad campaigns of a Aerated drink in India. As always the smile and his laugh just captivated me.Viraf who has been Mr India in 2005 and has been in many ad campaign but again its this Limca ad which caught my eye , got a little bit of digging and found some amazing videos ,pics and facts about him.

For starters he has been in merchant navy. He did anchoring for travel shows as well, to a part in television series and even a stint in bollywood. Being a model he has an amazing body as well, check the below add something about the not so clean shave body really turned me on ;)



Viraf seems to be an active youtube user, he has some video journals of himself uploaded, i found the one below really cute where he is talking about the last day at the shoot of the television series he was part. You can see the sadness on his face is so obvious , may be he is faking it but with a face like that he can fake anything and i am ok with it ;). You just feel he is talking directly to you.



Aww i would just like to hug him and say its gonna be ok sweety Muah muah muah :) (I wish i could do that :P ) I should stop drooling over him and let you enjoy some pics of him i found. Enjoy ;)

Now to rate Viraf on the Apple Meter , viraf gets himself a sumptuous 4 on 5

Blast From Past - The Dyamics

**********************************************************************************

Catch the previous chapters of the story here :

1. Chapter One

2. Chapter Two

3. Chapter Three

4. Chapter Four

5. Chapter Five

6. Chapter Six

**********************************************************************************

The Dynamics

"You know what being a homosexual is  L ?" I asked L half expecting him to answer it in positive. "Its just not about trying to get into a guy's pants you know." i continued without waiting for L's reply."To put it in simple words just a cross connection in my brain about likings and rest all i am normal" i tried with some humor to get some reaction from him. L was still silent obviously trying to digest things. "Are you listening L ?" i asked getting impatient. He just nodded. I continued about explaining to him thats its normal to be gay , its something i was born with and the usual "I am proud of who i am" .


"Can't you change ?" L said , speaking for the first time.
"Actually i don't want to change, i am happy to be what i am."


L again became silent. He did seem to be disturbed."Its ok L, i know its not easy to understand. And i totally understand if you feel uncomfortable around me and don't want to talk to me or keep this friendship going." i tried to console him and praying at the same time that he does not end our  friendship."I don't know what i feel right now jits may be we i should sleep over it , may be by tomorrow i will have things more clear." With that we called it a night 


Next morning i woke up early and left for my home leaving a text message for L to inform him of me leaving as he was asleep when i had left. I was thinking about the events that happened in the last 24 hours and was trying to get my brain around it. Have i done the right thing ? Will L severe his ties with me ? I prayed, hoped and wishes that he will find some way to keep our friendship going.


'I don't care who you are, where you from, what you do, as long as you love me' beeped a message from L. Was L trying to tell me something or just listening to Back street boys track i thought . I called him up. "What message was that ? " i begun with my questionnaire. "Has everything to be too be spelled out to you ? " L said. "I think i now  but i just want you to say it.". L told me that he is ok with whatever i am as of now and he doesn't care who i am but he clarified that he considers me as a brother to him an can never connect with me on any other level than that. I was exuberant that he had decided not to break our friendship and i told him to directly let me know if my talks ever got too much for him. 


Things returned to normal with us , i still hadn't expressed my love for L, i thought to take things one at a time. College continued our talks stretched longer in nights, i sometime even discussed even about a cute guy with him once or twice, he didn't respond to that so i stopped.  Things were going fine for some time but this was just the silence before the storm. Guys in college again started taunting L with my name. I never experienced the taunts because i never used to hang out with the college crowd, but L did and one day L asked me for the second time 
"Jits people are again asking me the same thing, jits tell me the truth are you in love with me ?"


I got a bit panicky, i thought of trying to change the topic but L was adamant, I decided to bare it all now, i confessed, "Yes, L i do love you." and the phone got disconnected ! 

Work place and Gay Friends

Is it really difficult to have gay friends at work ? I actually don't have any problems with meeting guys from my work but it seems the idea doesn't go well with most guys. Apprehension might be there because of the possibility of the other outing you in front of anyone .I  myself being closeted understand that perfectly well but if we can maintain confidentiality then i see no harm in it.

Recently it happened that i came across two guys on the gay net sphere who actually felt very uncomfortable meeting me after finding out that we work in the same company. Although both of them know who i am because i usually give my real name in chats and after knowing an employees name its easy to find anyone on our intranet, but i was not able to locate either of them. Although i feel a friend within or outside my office makes no difference to me but obviously to them it does. One of the guys has now disappared from my chats as well may be he found it too wierd. Anyways hoping that i do run into those guys some time, till them any hunk in my office is one of them for me ;)

Smiles

I recently went to watch a Hindi Movie titled 'Tere Bin Laden' , the movie was ok, did have its funny moments but i actually went just for the lead actor who is a Pop sensation from Pakistan Ali Zafar. I was just spell bound by his smile. When i later thought about it i realized that the first thing i try to take notice of about any guy is his smile. People always tell me i laugh a lot( why shouldn't I afterall laughter is the best medicine :P ) I am not very photogenic so i prefer to have my pics with all the 32 whites in frame and at times i do look good ! Having a cute smile with a dimple on a guy is such a huge turn on for me.(My Mr Perfet you reading ? :P )

      (Ali Zafar)

As a forwarded message i got staes 'Smile a simple curve which can set all things straight'. How true is it even in an argument a simple sign of a smile can make all the anger evaporate. Having a smile just gives out positive vibes around onself and you can see how people around you also stay cheerful. Even in our chats usage of 'smilies' are so common. At least in all my chat sentences i have a smily :) (see i told you !) Nowadays even smiley badges are becoming a fad amoung youngsters.

(A random Cute smile)

In our fast paced life no one actually nowadays cares to take notice around us , i would like to share with you something  which happened with me at work. I work in a firm which is like 4000 employees strong and hence you only get time to interact with a handful of people who are there in your team. My first day at my office was a bit scary for me because i hardly new anyone around and i was just worried about arranging myself an accodomation in the new city. While i was entering office that day obviously tensed and worried about having to settle in the city, the security gaurd at the gate gave me a smile and wished me Good morning. I just felt so relived although i didnt know that gaurd , the sincere smile from him just made me feel welcomed in the new city. He  asked me why i was looking so tensed and even guided me to some brokers to get an accomodation in the city.

So people just always keep smiling and be cheerful :D

Happy Friendship Day

Wish you all out there a happy friendship day...

Friends without whom this life just seems incomplete. To all my friends out there who have been with me through thick and thin , have supported me in sad times and rejoiced with me in those happy moments a Big Thank You !!! Wish you all a very happy friendship day ... Spread the joy people pick up that phone and wish all your friends :)